A Bailarina e Lições do balé (clique PT no menu de opções)
Children often get anxious when asked 'What do you want to be when you grow up?', but luckily for me, I never wondered much about the future. I loved reading, writing, and pets. I even thought about becoming a journalist or a veterinarian, but all signs pointed to another direction. I had been spending so much time dedicating myself to dance, and the desire to become a ballerina spoke louder.
Being a dancer is something natural that comes from within. Anyone can be a dancer, no matter the age or circumstance. It's listening to music and letting yourself be carried away by the vibrations of a piano, or the beautiful sound of an orchestra. It doesn't matter where we dance or who with, if we are alone or if anyone is watching; what matters is the pleasure we get from it, it is about feeling the melody and expressing it in our own way.
I don't know at what point ballet became more than a hobby for me, but as I grew up and developed, my dream of becoming a professional dancer intensified.
See that the word ‘professional’ made all the difference.
Making dance your bread and butter is more complicated than it seems, especially where I come from. I'm from a tropical land in South America where we enjoy football and carnival, but where classical ballet doesn't have much 'tradition'. I never understood why there were so many dance companies in Europe, Russia and North America; however, in Brazil, there were so few.
Today I see that there are places in the world where theaters get packed every night with an audience who loves and appreciates this art form. I see parents bringing their children to watch ballet from an early age, elderly people who made a habit of it and see it as an escape, lovers who come on a date, and the assiduous fans who go to great lengths to watch different casts of the same performance over and over. Their souls feed on it. Without the prestige and love from an audience, our craft has no meaning.
Essentially, despite being an art form, ballet is also a business. A large dance company is nothing more than an industry dependant on financial support, meaning funding and sponsorship, and it follows its own rules and politics. The inside workings of a company are very intricate. Sometimes I imagine being part of a secret society, a complex network of artists who know and assist each other, who are passionate about ballet and what it represents, some wanting to protect the classical tradition at all costs while others want to experiment and make it relevant to this day and age.
When I was little, I couldn't have imagined that one day I would try to infiltrate this industry and prove that I also had something to say, that my people also had a small contribution to make. Passion and rhythm are in our blood. I didn't know how I'd get there or even what exactly the profession entailed, but I knew i wanted to do this.
First, I must tell you how it all began... I was born in the long arms of a ballet dancer, and after dancing in Brazil for many years, my mother opened a dance school. There, I would take my first ballet steps and slowly immerse into her secret world.
It all started with a simple impulse, a desire to be like her. I wanted to discover the mystery surrounding her studio, like why did everyone ask permission when entering? How does it feel to be able to move so gracefully? So, I positioned myself in the corner, trying to learn the steps on my own.
When I started at 'baby beginners', I was the smallest in my class. I should have gotten used to it because in fact, time passed and I continued to be the shortest, leading the line of the corps de ballet, and always cast in children's roles because of my stature and young-looking features (until my early twenties, I still passed as a minor and got discounts at box offices. I hated it, wanted to look older and mature, but should have made the most of it!).
Between classical, tap dance and flamenco lessons, I played with friends and spent the late afternoons doing homework in mum's office until she finished teaching her last class of the day. I tried to balance my notebooks in a desk that was full of worn-out ballet shoes, empty CD covers, countless lists of names, checks and photographs. When it was time to leave, it was always the same story:
'Where are the car keys??'
Exhausted, her voice spent from teaching so much, my mother looked everywhere for them but who could find anything in all that mess?
Each branch of her school - Ballet Marcia Lago - has been part of my upbringing and left its mark on me. It occupied several spaces before settling at its current address, but the most memorable period was at the 'North Lake' house, with its giant playground and mulberry tree that dyed our ballet shoes, the fan club and Sandy & Junior songs, questions and discoveries from adolescence... those who had lessons with Professor Bruno will remember the countless excuses we made up to get away from him.
It was there where I realized my biggest dream: wearing my first pair of pointe shoes!
That same year, I had a starring role in Cinderella. I felt that my friends treated me differently because they were upset not all of them were chosen for a special part. Everyone must have thought that being the director's daughter gave me certain privileges, but quite the opposite! I was always getting scolded for no reason (or so it seemed), my costumes were the last ones to be delivered, and I don't remember receiving many compliments from mum.
It almost feels like ballet prepared us for any professional world, where joys and disappointments are a part of life, where sometimes it can be our moment, sometimes not. In the end, we discover that each one has their own value and we follow our path, learning to deal with our emotions and be considerate of the feelings of others.
Although I enjoyed the amazing feeling of being on stage, what attracted me to dance was the discipline and effort that each class required. I learned how much dedication it took to be able to perfect each step and my ability to execute them. It wasn't enough to know how to dance; I had to surpass myself every day. I learned that when we really want something, we spare no effort, and that all we have to do is keep trying so that something finally becomes achievable.
With hard work and dedication we earn our place; this has always been my mum school's motto and will be part of its legacy, one that lives on in the hearts of every student past and present, and continues to shape and fuel many dreams, including mine.
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